[ No matter how much she might insist otherwise, Manuela still has a very powerful presence. Powerful enough that as she moves about, checking him over, he can do little more than sit and allow it. It's actually a bit charming how she slips into her role as a healer, attending to him like he was her patient. But he also knows that in this particular instance, her instincts are wrong. He feels very much himself. His racing heart? His flushed skin? That's all because of her.
Of course, there's a bit more to the flush on his cheeks when he realizes exactly where her gaze has fallen. Instinctively, he presses his legs together, averting his eyes. He doesn't even know what he's embarrassed about, given that in the current situation, there isn't anything to hide. But maybe he wishes that there were, that he could entice her to sit upon his lap and ride him until they're both too sore to move.
Of course, if such thoughts remain in his mind, then he's likely to grow hard anyway, but that's something he's not trying to think about right now. ]
Manuela... it is not just about sex. It has never been just about sex for me.
[ He swallows the nervous lump forming in his throat and reaches for her hand by the wrist, and though his touch is gentle, he firmly keeps her hand over his chest so that she might feel his heartbeat. He locks his eyes with hers, despite how frightening it feels to be so vulnerable and forthright. In the past, he'd hid his interest behind poetry and flattery. This is the most direct he's been with her, and it takes a good bit of willpower for him to even get the words out. ]
My heart raced just like this when we were alone at Garreg Mach and I read poetry to you. And it raced just like this when you gave me the honor of a dance with you.
[ His fingers spread so that they can lace between hers, then close fully. He can feel the subtle signs of age on her well-kept hands, but those aren't unattractive qualities to him. There's a quiet strength to them, and ultimately, it just accentuates her femininity even more to him. ]
And... if you will forgive me for being so crass... our scene together was far from the first time you have made me... [ He clears his throat a little, clearly embarrassed with himself. ] ...erect.
[ there had been a moment there, certainly, wherein manuela felt her own face flush with the heat of embarrassment. gone, suddenly, was the clinical air of her professionalism as a healer, and left behind in its place was the rather humbling effect of being so very clearly proven wrong.
and here she had been so sure... or rather, she had been so convinced the reason for all of this could be so easily justified by the hotel's particular brand of cruelty.
and yet here ferdinand sits, flaccid as can be. and while that might seem telling of a lack of attraction, the implication is very much the opposite, isn't it? how it all just leads more credence to his words. how it forces her to stop and consider them than spare herself the struggle. ]
Back in Garreg Mach...?
[ ...no. certainly that can't be true. does he truly mean to say that he had felt attraction โ no, perhaps even affection? โ for her since even before she had spread her legs for him?
yes, of course she had known of his little infatuation. and yes, of course she is well aware of what such feelings would stir in a hot-blooded young man. but the way he speaks, the way he looks at her. does he even realize how all this earnestness makes it sound?
oh, damn ferdinand von aegir. damn the entirety of his name and his lineage. what is she meant to do with this knowledge? how could she possibly feel anything less than overwhelmed by such girlish hope? ]
Ferdinand... What are you even saying?
[ she ought to tug her hand away. she ought to shut this down, faster, but hadn't she always been just a little too quick to succumb to the worst parts of herself? so instead her hand curls, clutching at the fabric of his shirt. to pull him in or push him away, even she isn't entirely sure yet. ]
You were barely older than a boy when we first met in the academy. And that war ripped what else of your young adulthood you could have had โ but you're far away from it now. And far away from Fรณdlan.
[ far away from responsibilities, and expectations, and the horse-blinders he'd put on himself to be steadfast in his goals. ]
Spend more than a week here and you will see... You'll see how small your world had been before now. However much of it you say I encompass โ it will only diminish the more you experience. The more you will see how little I compare.
[ Despite the content of her words and all of his stumbling when it comes to finding the right words for her, Ferdinand hears in Manuela's voice something akin to pleading, that she wants to be proven wrong. Of course, there is plenty that she says that is a perfectly salient point. Even in his short time at the resort, he's already experienced things he hadn't planned on experiencing until he was, at the very least, properly courting someone, if not married. And the very idea of monogamy in a place like this seems, even to him, utterly unrealistic.
But as he looks into Manuela's eyes, he doesn't see the thorny, overgrown rose who's well past her prime that she might think he would see. Nor does he see the idealized version of himself that he all but worshipped as a young man. He sees her for her vulnerability, her vices, her strengths, her triumphs and regrets โ and, whether she cares to admit it or not, the wisdom that only a woman of her experiences could truly possess.
He strokes the back of her hand with his thumb as he holds it, and the other hand pulls her in gently but firmly by the waist. He'll not accept putting any more space between them now, not when he needs her to understand just how much he means every word. ]
Love is a unique thing, Manuela. The more of it you give, the more you find you have. It changes and grows, as do the people who feel it.
[ His gaze locks with hers, and though his heart races at how daunting a prospect it is, he says words that he never dreamed he would actually say to her, at least not in so direct a method. ]
I love you, Manuela. That love has also changed and grown over time just as I have. Even when I was just a boy, I accepted when I was a young man that some other lucky suitor would likely sweep you off of your feet, but so long as you were happy, that was enough for me. Yet now, I see myself in a fortunate position I could only have imagined.
[ There's a maturity in his voice that's, perhaps, a lot more introspective than what she might have expected from him. She's seldom seen him at anything but his most boisterous and confident, but there's a vulnerability he's sharing with her, just as she's shared hers with him. ]
I know the nature of this place makes commitment... troublesome. I am not asking you to only share yourself with me. Your world is every bit as open now as mine. But I am asking you to believe me โ that no matter how much my world grows, your place in it and the affection I have for you will only grow as well.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Of course, there's a bit more to the flush on his cheeks when he realizes exactly where her gaze has fallen. Instinctively, he presses his legs together, averting his eyes. He doesn't even know what he's embarrassed about, given that in the current situation, there isn't anything to hide. But maybe he wishes that there were, that he could entice her to sit upon his lap and ride him until they're both too sore to move.
Of course, if such thoughts remain in his mind, then he's likely to grow hard anyway, but that's something he's not trying to think about right now. ]
Manuela... it is not just about sex. It has never been just about sex for me.
[ He swallows the nervous lump forming in his throat and reaches for her hand by the wrist, and though his touch is gentle, he firmly keeps her hand over his chest so that she might feel his heartbeat. He locks his eyes with hers, despite how frightening it feels to be so vulnerable and forthright. In the past, he'd hid his interest behind poetry and flattery. This is the most direct he's been with her, and it takes a good bit of willpower for him to even get the words out. ]
My heart raced just like this when we were alone at Garreg Mach and I read poetry to you. And it raced just like this when you gave me the honor of a dance with you.
[ His fingers spread so that they can lace between hers, then close fully. He can feel the subtle signs of age on her well-kept hands, but those aren't unattractive qualities to him. There's a quiet strength to them, and ultimately, it just accentuates her femininity even more to him. ]
And... if you will forgive me for being so crass... our scene together was far from the first time you have made me... [ He clears his throat a little, clearly embarrassed with himself. ] ...erect.
no subject
and here she had been so sure... or rather, she had been so convinced the reason for all of this could be so easily justified by the hotel's particular brand of cruelty.
and yet here ferdinand sits, flaccid as can be. and while that might seem telling of a lack of attraction, the implication is very much the opposite, isn't it? how it all just leads more credence to his words. how it forces her to stop and consider them than spare herself the struggle. ]
Back in Garreg Mach...?
[ ...no. certainly that can't be true. does he truly mean to say that he had felt attraction โ no, perhaps even affection? โ for her since even before she had spread her legs for him?
yes, of course she had known of his little infatuation. and yes, of course she is well aware of what such feelings would stir in a hot-blooded young man. but the way he speaks, the way he looks at her. does he even realize how all this earnestness makes it sound?
oh, damn ferdinand von aegir. damn the entirety of his name and his lineage. what is she meant to do with this knowledge? how could she possibly feel anything less than overwhelmed by such girlish hope? ]
Ferdinand... What are you even saying?
[ she ought to tug her hand away. she ought to shut this down, faster, but hadn't she always been just a little too quick to succumb to the worst parts of herself? so instead her hand curls, clutching at the fabric of his shirt. to pull him in or push him away, even she isn't entirely sure yet. ]
You were barely older than a boy when we first met in the academy. And that war ripped what else of your young adulthood you could have had โ but you're far away from it now. And far away from Fรณdlan.
[ far away from responsibilities, and expectations, and the horse-blinders he'd put on himself to be steadfast in his goals. ]
Spend more than a week here and you will see... You'll see how small your world had been before now. However much of it you say I encompass โ it will only diminish the more you experience. The more you will see how little I compare.
no subject
But as he looks into Manuela's eyes, he doesn't see the thorny, overgrown rose who's well past her prime that she might think he would see. Nor does he see the idealized version of himself that he all but worshipped as a young man. He sees her for her vulnerability, her vices, her strengths, her triumphs and regrets โ and, whether she cares to admit it or not, the wisdom that only a woman of her experiences could truly possess.
He strokes the back of her hand with his thumb as he holds it, and the other hand pulls her in gently but firmly by the waist. He'll not accept putting any more space between them now, not when he needs her to understand just how much he means every word. ]
Love is a unique thing, Manuela. The more of it you give, the more you find you have. It changes and grows, as do the people who feel it.
[ His gaze locks with hers, and though his heart races at how daunting a prospect it is, he says words that he never dreamed he would actually say to her, at least not in so direct a method. ]
I love you, Manuela. That love has also changed and grown over time just as I have. Even when I was just a boy, I accepted when I was a young man that some other lucky suitor would likely sweep you off of your feet, but so long as you were happy, that was enough for me. Yet now, I see myself in a fortunate position I could only have imagined.
[ There's a maturity in his voice that's, perhaps, a lot more introspective than what she might have expected from him. She's seldom seen him at anything but his most boisterous and confident, but there's a vulnerability he's sharing with her, just as she's shared hers with him. ]
I know the nature of this place makes commitment... troublesome. I am not asking you to only share yourself with me. Your world is every bit as open now as mine. But I am asking you to believe me โ that no matter how much my world grows, your place in it and the affection I have for you will only grow as well.